Dueling Ringtones
My kid and I are warring once again. This time, it’s over who gets to use which ringtones. It is too bad for him that his mom is a “real hep cat” but I like Beyonce, too. (My husband insists on pronouncing it “Bounce” just to annoy the kid…works every time.)
This whole brouhaha erupted when I called my son, only to find that he had left his appendage (cellphone) on the kitchen counter. All of sudden, I heard Amy Winehouse’s raspy voice: “You wanna make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no…”
When the kid returned, I confronted him.
“Are you kidding me? Is that the ringtone you assigned YOUR MOTHER??!?!”
He smirked. “Isn’t it great?? And so perfect, too.”
“Yes, it is…which is why I want it for MY phone. Thanks to you and your brother’s antics, I’ll be forcibly transported to the treatment center long before you, pal.”
Now, we’re in a race to download the perfect song for each caller. So far, I’ve assigned the following ringtones:
1) To the cable company, “I Hate Everything about You” by Three Days Grace
2) To my brother, “Angry White Boy Polka” by Weird Al Yankovic
3) To the stockbroker, “It’s the End of the World as We Know it” by R.E.M.
4) To my old college pals, “It’s Five O’clock Somewhere” by Alan Jackson
5) To my relatives, “The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly” theme song
6) To the real estate agent, “Take This Job and Shove it” by Johnny Paycheck
7) To the church, “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin
8) To the school, “Jaws” theme song
9) To my menopausal friends, “Heat Wave” by Martha & the Vandellas
10) To my brother-in-law, “Dancing Queen” by Abba
11) To my older son, “Respect” by Aretha Franklin
12) To the younger one, “Smells like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana
13) To my husband (when I like him), “My Life Would Suck without You” by Kelly Clarkson
14) To my husband (when I don’t) “The Thrill is Gone” by B.B. King
And finally,
15) To the mailman, “Third Rate Romance, Low-Rent Rendezvous" by Sammy Kershaw
